Pathway to Happiness
by Kelly of the midnight dawn
Summary: The path to happiness is long and winding and paved with sorrow. For Olivia Benson the path is blocked with terrifying demons who won’t let her pass.
1. Chapter 1

Pathway to happiness

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

A/N: I am winging it. Please R&R and tell me if you like it.

Summary: The path to happiness is long and winding and paved with sorrow. For Olivia Benson the path is blocked with terrifying demons who won't let her pass.

"Look out!" her words rang through the air only to be followed by the sound of six gun shots. She saw him fall and she ran to him. She knelt beside him and held his fading form in her arms.

"Oh God!" she exclaimed "Elliot please don't die!" she screamed and cried and begged but it didn't stop him from slipping away from her. Before his eyes closed for the last time, he whispered three small words that were barely audible "I love you."

"I love you too!" she screamed "Please! Please! Don't die!" she got no response to her shouts and a deluge of fresh tears pored from her eyes, only to fall upon his body and intermingle with his blood.

She felt a presence beside her and looked up to see a man standing in the fog. She couldn't see his face but she knew, she just knew, in her heart, she knew that this man was the shooter.

He spoke "Its all your fault Olivia."

"What!" she asked.

"It's your fault that he's dead," the man continued "He took the bullets that were meant for you. He loved you and," the man gestured to Elliot's body "this is what he gets for it."

"You bastard," Olivia said in a low voice.

The man approached her "I'm not the bastard here, Olivia," he placed a hand on her cheek and chuckled slightly.

"You shot him," Olivia's tone was shrinking into a meek protest. This man filled her with an overwhelming sense of dread.

"I may have shot him Olivia but I'm not the reason he's dead."

Olivia stared at the man's blurry form in bewilderment.

"It's what you are Olivia," the man began to explain "surely you knew that what you were would destroy those closest to you."

"You liar!" Olivia found her voice again and shouted at the man.

"Oh but Olivia," the man laughed "I am right. It destroyed your mother and now it has destroyed the man you love."

"You did that," Olivia protested, referring to Elliot. Olivia was more than certain that she was responsible for her mother's death and didn't need to be told by anyone else but she didn't want to believe that she had caused Elliot's death.

"No Olivia. It was you. He died trying to save your worthless life. He died because he fell in love with garbage. You are the cause of his death."

"No!" she screamed. She was finding it harder and harder to disbelieve this man.

"You no I'm right," the man said in a sing song voice.

"No, no, you can't be," Olivia began, her resolve was quickly crumbling.

The man pulled Olivia to her feet. She whimpered as she was forced to let go of Elliot's body. He began to lead her away.

"Where are you taking me?" she struggled against his grip but she found it impossible to break free.

He stopped only a few feet away from Elliot's body and threw Olivia to the ground "It's time," he said simply.

"For what?" she asked as she attempted to get up.

He pushed her down again as he laughed at her "It's time for that one thing that you've known forever would happen to you, time for that one thing that you've known all your life that you deserved. Don't pretend that you don't know what's about to happen." She shuttered and tried to close her eyes but found it impossible. He bent over her and sneered "It's time and I'm going to enjoy it."

As he climbed on top of her she caught a glimps of his face. She screamed and shook and tried to get him off but she couldn't.

Olivia woke up in her bed with the sheets tangled around her body. She screamed again, it took her a few moments to realize that it had only been a nightmare. She untangled herself from the sheets and sat up in bed. Her cold sweat saturated her sweat pants and T-shirt. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She let her head drop between her knees and she cried.

She didn't know when it was that Richard White had become the face of her nightmares, the vocalization of her deepest fears and insecurities but he was and the nightmares had been a common occurrence for some time now.

She cried until it seemed like there were no tears left. She lay down again and pulled her covers up around her shoulders. She rolled over and took a quick glance at her alarm clock. It was 4am, she had only two and a half hours before she would have to get up to go to work but she needed the rest. So she rolled over again so that she was facing away from her alarm clock and shut her eyes in an attempt to get back to sleep.

"Worthless garbage," she saw him standing over her again. He kicked her in the side and the force of the kick caused her to roll over. When she did, she came face to face with Elliot's kids.

She attempted to tell them to run but White didn't seem to be interested in them at all. They just stared at her. Finally Lizzy spoke "You killed our dad!"

"No I didn't," Olivia tried to reason with the girl.

"It's your fault he's dead!" Kathleen shouted.

"No honey, it's not," Olivia tried to explain.

"He died because of you!" Maureen screamed.

"I didn't mean…" Olivia stammered.

"You killed him!" Dickie yelled.

"No, I…" Olivia began.

"You killed him!" they all screamed "It's your fault!"

"I…" Olivia trailed off again.

"He loved you and you killed him!" came the four voices again "You killed him!"

"I'm sorry," Olivia began to sob.

She woke up again to find that hot tears were running down her cheeks. She decided that sleep was futile at this point and she went out to her living room to watch TV.

She settled into the couch and picked up the remote. She turned the TV on and flipped through the channels. Finding nothing good on, she turned the TV off and went out to the kitchen to make some coffee.

As she waited for the coffee maker to finish making its sputtering noises, she sat at the kitchen table. Her eyes darted around her kitchen. Finally her gaze came to rest on a picture. It was a picture of her mother and her, taken the year before Serena died.

Serena was smiling at the camera, 'such a fake smile' Olivia thought. She got up from her seat at the table and took the picture off the wall. She looked closely at it. She remembered the day, it hadn't been a happy one. Her mother had been very drunk and had been bobbing all over the place. Olivia had felt so embarrassed as they walked in the park. Then Serena had gone up to a random passer by and shoved the camera into his hands and demanded that the man take their picture. The man had taken it quickly and as soon as he was done, he left very quickly.

Olivia opened a drawer and shoved the picture, face down, inside it and slammed the drawer shut.

She turned to the coffee machine and pored herself a cup. She sat back down at the kitchen table, put her head in her hands and just stared at the grain of the wood.

She really was human garbage and she believed that she had no business being on this planet but she still had her work, sex crimes were her life, they were her penance. The job would kill her, she knew it and she didn't care.

TBC

Please review. Let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Pathway to Happiness

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

Summary: See chap 1

A/N: Thank you to everyone who is reading this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always feedback is welcome.

Olivia walked into the squad room and dropped into her chair. She immediately didn't even bother to look up as a cup of coffee appeared in front of her.

"Good morning," Elliot said as he waved a hand in front of her face.

She looked up and smiled at him half heartedly "Thanks," she said, lifting the cup of hot liquid to her lips "Just how I like it," she smiled as she put the cup on her desk.

"I've been your partner for how long now?" Elliot smiled back at her "I think I know how my partner takes her coffee."

Elliot sat down across from her and flipped open a file that lay on his desk. He looked up at his partner, into those sympathetic eyes that had known him for almost eight years. Into those deep brown pools that held so many mysteries. He felt like something just wasn't right but he didn't want to ask. Over the past year, he hadn't been very forthcoming with his personal life and he felt like he shouldn't be pressing for her to tell him anything when he wasn't ready to open up himself. So he stared at her in silence.

Olivia kept her eyes on the paperwork in front of her. She felt Elliot's gaze on her but she refused to meet his gaze. She loved him and her dream was still fresh in her mind. She wanted to keep him at a distance, it was the only way to ensure his safety. She remembered his last words from her nightmare, she wished that it was the truth but she knew better than to hope for his affection.

Captain Cragen emerged from his office "Olivia, Elliot, a moment."

The expression on the captain's face was a somber one and Olivia dared make eye contact with Elliot in an effort to determine whether he was as confused as she was about the current mood of their CO. Olivia quickly affirmed that he was and instantaneously broke eye contact.

Silently, the two partners rose from their desks. In perfect synchronization entered the captain's office. In a dance that had been perfected through years of IAB and other such issues, first one then the other took their customary seats in the chairs across the desk from their captain. It was a dance that Captain Cragen was certain that the two detectives could perform in the dark. As if one was aware, without looking at the other, just what move to make to counter balance the other.

Elliot was the one to speak first "Is something wrong Captain?"

Cragen looked down at his hands. He looked up at his two detectives. His gaze went back to his hands again. How could he tell them? He had to tell them. It would mean big changes for both of them. It would mean the shattering of their respective worlds. It would mean…

"Captain?" Olivia asked, her voice full of concern, as she leaned forward "Are you alright?"

Cragen sat in silence. How could he answer that question? He was not fine. The news that it was his burden to break to these two was crushing him from the inside out. Where to begin? How to even face it himself?

He looked first at Elliot. The news would break first on him. Then Cragen looked at Olivia, as Elliot's partner as well as the compassionate person that she was, her heart would break for him and even after the revelation that she was in danger came to light, her heart would still be hurting only for him. Cragen knew that this was just the type of person that she was. These two people who sat in front of him, he loved as if they were his own children and he found it painful to break this news but he knew that he had to. He had to give them a chance to save themselves. He had to give them a chance to salvage their lives. He knew that they loved each other, even though they were both ignorant of the other's feeling, Cragen knew that they were in love and he had to give them this chance to be safe, together.

Cragen finally spoke "Elliot," he began but found himself choking on the words.

"What is it Cap?" Elliot asked. He felt a chill shoot up his spine, something was very wrong.

Olivia sensed it too. Subconsciously she reached across and grabbed Elliot's hand tightly in hers. She gave it a gentle squeeze for moral support.

Cragen continued "Its Kathy," again he choked on the words. He stopped and looked down at his hands again. He wanted to punch something, he wanted to choke the person who had caused all of this, he wished that his hands could make this all better, make it all go away.

"What about Kathy?" Elliot asked. The mention of his ex-wife made him even more apprehensive. What could have happened? Where the kids alright?

Cragen looked back at his detectives once more. He braced himself, took a deep breath and dropped the bomb "She's dead."

Elliot felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He had been knocked into deep space and he was free floating with nothing to grab onto. He felt himself bein pulled apart at the seams. Kathy was dead. What about the kids? He spun out of control, faster and faster until he felt himself being pulled back to earth pulled back to his center, pulled back by Olivia.

Olivia held Elliot's hand tightly in hers, Elliot grasped back just as hard, their knuckles turned white, their fingers begged for circulation but neither dared to let go. Olivia feared spinning away from earth just as much as Elliot did and as long as they held each others hands, they were centered.

"How?" Olivia finally asked, her voice cracking.

"Murdered," was all that Cragen could manage for a response.

"The twins?" Elliot asked in a small and distant voice.

"They were at school when it happened," Cragen informed him. These words seemed much easier to speak. The bitter taste of the words that had come before was slightly alleviated by the announcement of life.

"I have to see them," Elliot told Cragen.

Before Cragen could protest, before he could tell Elliot that this was not a good idea right now, that there was more that he needed to tell them first, Elliot was out the door of the office, followed closely by Olivia. Cragen tried to catch up but it was hopeless. By the time he had reached the door of his office, the two detectives were both out of earshot.

TBC

Please review and tell me what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

Pathway to Happiness

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

A/N: Thank you all for sticking with me and reading, everything I am I owe to you.

The hum of the cars engine was the only sound that could be heard in the car as the two detectives drove to the twins' school.

Elliot gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles, which still hadn't regained circulation from the earlier effort to keep himself from losing it, were absolutely bone white. He made sharp turns and swerved to avoid other cars. They were miraculously unharmed thus far but Elliot's mind was far, far away from the road at that moment.

Kathy was dead. Granted his ex-wife and he hadn't gotten along, if they had they would still be married, but the two of them had reached a place in there relationship where they could be civil to each other, in fact the two had met for lunch on more then one occasion to discuss the children and how best to help them through this transition. And now she was dead, murdered. Who would kill his ex-wife? Why? What were the circumstances of her death? Was it a home invasion? Had it been planned? Had she been raped?

Then his thoughts automatically switched to his children. They had lost their mother, they would be devastated. His first duty was to protect them, to comfort them, to salvage some semblance of family and normalcy from this tragedy.

Beside him, Olivia sneezed. He was reminded of her presence and the only thing he did to acknowledge it was to utter the customary "Bless you," the phrase had been uttered subconsciously but it had not been unnoticed.

"Thanks," Olivia returned in the same tone that suggested that she too was somewhere else at the moment. She couldn't get her dream out of her head. She wondered if the dreams had been a sign, a sign of this trouble that they found themselves in. Could she, through her nightmares have predicted a death? No it was just a horrible coincidence. People died all the time in New York. People were murdered every day. It was just a horrible twist of fate that Kathy was the one who was the victim. Besides in the dream it had been Elliot who died. Died, in her dream, Elliot had died. The thought still made her stomach play gymnast even as she sat next to him, even as she heard his breathing, even as she could see, that he was very much alive.

She couldn't shake the thought that something horrible was bound to happen to him at any second. Then she stopped herself, something bad had already happened to him. His ex-wife had been murdered, the mother of his children was gone and she wouldn't be coming back. Olivia felt somehow responsible for her death. Somehow it had to have been in her dreams, if she had noticed it, deciphered whatever her dreams might have been trying to tell her, perhaps Kathy would still be alive. The guilt was close to overwhelming her.

Elliot also felt guilt. Surely their was something that he could have done to prevent this? If he had given up his job, stayed with her, maybe he wouldn't be where he was now. He knew that this would have been useless. He and his wife had managed to fall out of love over the years. One night of unprotected sex 21 years ago had led to a shot gun wedding and brief fits of passion that resulted in his three other wonderful joys but in the end four children hadn't been enough to hold them together. He knew that if he had quit his job and stayed with her, that neither of them would be happy.

They arrived at the twins' school and Elliot pulled into a space in front of an ugly green trash can. The two partners got out of the car and headed for the main office of the school.

The secretary smiled at Elliot when she saw him enter the office "Hi," she greeted him "can I help you with something Elliot,"

Elliot smiled back at her and Olivia felt a pang of jealousy that this woman knew him well enough to call him by his first name "Yeah Mary," he said, still flashing that grin of his "could you send someone to get Dickie and Liz out of class. We have…" he trailed off and Olivia noticed the grin completely disappear from his face "We have a… family emergency,"

Olivia instinctively put her hand on Elliot's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Mary's grin also vanished "I'm sorry Elliot but-"

Elliot interrupted her "What? Is something wrong? Are they alright?" horrible thoughts flashed through his head, none of them rational. He couldn't have lost his two youngest children too. What could have happened? The millions of terrifying possibilities raced through his head and caused his stomach to jump into his throat then slide to his feet, somersaulting all the while. Olivia tightened her grasp on Elliot, for fear that he would slip away, somewhere where she wouldn't be able to reach him.

"Kathy's parents already picked them up," Mary informed him.

Elliot sighed with relief and Olivia loosened her grip on him, secure in the thought that he wouldn't be pulled away and sucked into the bowls of madness.

"Thanks Mary," Elliot said as he and Olivia turned to leave.

"No problem," Mary said cheerfully, blissfully unaware of the situation. Then as she finally noticed Olivia she added "Oh hello, and who are you?"

"I'm his partner," Olivia answered as she let the door to the office slam behind her. She disliked the far too perky secretary immensely.

As they walked back to the car, Olivia finally asked "So you know her?"

"Yeah," Elliot told her "Mary is an old friend of the family."

Olivia felt somewhat and unexpectedly relieved. Elliot was allowed to have his own life, he was allowed to date anyone he wanted, he had no idea how she felt about him so she had no right to feel jealous.

Elliot turned the key in the driver's side door of the car and unlocked it. The two slid into their respective seats and Elliot drove off.

At first Elliot drove without any idea where he should go. Relief that Dickie and Elizabeth were with Kathy's parents had caused him to temporarily foret about everything else. But he remembered and he pulled the car off the road and put his head in his hands.

"Elliot," Olivia said tentatively, placing a hand gently on his shoulder "you want to talk?" she asked, her voice full of concern.

He looked up at her, allowing a tear to roll down his cheek. He saw her, looking at him with the all the concern that she had always had. In that moment he was amazed that she was still there, that in all the pushing he had done of late, that she was still there and that she could still feel concern for him.

He nodded "We were starting to deal," he began "We could actually stand to be in the same room with each other for more than five seconds. Things weren't ever going to be the way they were. We knew that but we had reached a point where we could live with ourselves and the kids could live with us," he pored his soul out to her and spread the freshly broken pieces of his life in front of her and left them there for her to do with as she would.

She saw the broken pieces and she did her best to pick them up, to salvage some part of his soul "Elliot. No one could have seen this coming. You and the kids will get through this," she still felt that she might be somehow responsible but at that moment it was not about her and her pity party. It was about Elliot and helping Elliot.

"I know Liv," he admitted "but it still hurts. Even though we were no longer in love, it still hurts like hell."

She wrapped and arm around his shoulder and allowed her head to lean on his chest "I know it does Elliot but you're not alone. I'll help you guys, anyway that I can."

Elliot looked down at her and felt better. With her support he felt that perhaps things would work out "Thanks Olivia," he said, allowing his chin to rest on top of her head as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders..

They sat like that for a minute before Olivia pulled away.

This just wasn't right. She didn't feel comfortable being so comfortable with him. His ex-wife had been dead only a few hours, she didn't want to be a rebound girl. The thing was that it felt too right to be like that with him.

"We should get back to the station," she said in a small voice.

Elliot nodded and started the car. He began to drive, as he drove he thought. It felt so right to sit like that with Olivia but it was too soon for something to feel so right. He put those thoughts out of his mind and focused on other things. He would have to call Kathy's parents when he got back to the station. He would have to call Maureen and Kathleen. He would have to…

A loud sound interrupted his thoughts. A bullet cracked through his windshield. Glass flew in all directions as the car began to skid. Elliot could hear other gunshots ring out in the air.

"Get down!" he yelled, pulling Olivia towards the floor of the car with him as they continued to skid on the crowded Manhattan street.

TBC

Please tell me what you think. I would appreciate the feedback very much.


	4. Chapter 4

Pathway to Happiness

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own them but I wish I did. Doesn't wishing count for anything anymore?

A/N: I hope you all are still interested even though I've been out of the game for a while. Enjoy.

The last thing she remembered before blacking out was Elliot's voice, telling her that it would be alright and his strong arms holding her down, protecting her as best he could. His face close to her own as they huddled on the floor boards of the car, then screaming and the sounds of metal against metal, a sharp pain in her head, one last thought of Elliot, then blackness.

In blackness she swam, black terrifying loneliness. She was afraid, truly afraid, very few times in her life had she been truly afraid.

'Elliot, Elliot!' was the only thing she could think. If he wasn't alright then her whole world had just dissolved.

Elliot held her close as the car collided with a line of trash cans on the curb. He too was struck unconscious by the sudden jerk as the car finally came to a stop. He swam in his own see of darkness the only thing on his mind was Olivia. If she wasn't alright then what ever had remained of his world would be ripped from him.

This is how the paramedics found them. Unconscious, lying in each other's tight embrace as though if they were to lose each other now, they would be losing life itself.

Captain Cragen was sitting at his desk when he got the call.

"Cragen," he answered as if this were any other call, unaware that this would be the second call that day that would wrench his heart from his chest and stomp it into fine mush.

All of three minutes later a visibly shaken Cragen was running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

"Munch!" he commanded in a far louder tone than necessary "I have to go!" and Cragen was gone.

Fin looked at his partner "What do you think that's about?"

Munch got up from his seat and grabbed his coat "I don't know but I'm gonna go find out."

"Wait for me!" Fin called as he followed Munch out of the precinct.

On his way to the hospital Cragen was too preoccupied to notice that he was being taled by two of his own detectives. If he had noticed he probably would have pulled over and walked right up to their car and screamed at them till he was blue in the face about how this was none of their business. But he didn't notice them so he didn't. But considering what they were all about to get themselves caught up in, it might have been better if he had.

Cragen reached the hospital and leaped out of the car. He rushed into the ER and found the doctor he was looking for.

"Dr. Taylor," Cragen said, out of breath "How are they."

Dr. Taylor led Cragen through the crush of the waiting room crowd and into an exam room where they could talk privately but before he could close the door, Munch and Fin ambushed them.

"What the hell!" Cragen exclaimed.

Dr. Taylor put his finger to his lips and just hurried all three men into the small room "There's no time," he whispered harshly as he closed the door.

"What's going on?" Fin asked, taking a seat on the paper covered exam table.

"There was a prison break this morning," Cragen began, jumping right into the explanation. At that moment he wanted to get the explanations out of the way, anything that would let him get to Olivia and Elliot faster "Only a few minutes after the escape was discovered, Kathy Stabler was murdered."

Munch and Fin both gasped "Does Elliot know?" Munch asked his voice full of concern for his friend.

Cragen nodded "He knows," he paused and looked down at his shoes "but that's about all he knows. Before I could even mention the jail break he and Olivia were off to see his kids."

"What about his kids?" Fin asked.

"They're all with Kathy's parents," Cragen answered "Maureen and Kathleen are helping with the funeral arrangements and the twins are taking some personal time, courtesy of their grandparents."

"Who escaped?" Munch asked.

"Carl James, Eric Strand and Joseph Patrick," Cragen answered somberly.

Shock and horror registered on Munch and Fin's faces simultaneously. All three men were convicted killers, all three had been put away by Olivia and Elliot, all three had a grudge and all three had made inappropriate attempts at physical contact with Olivia in the interrogation room.

"This is bad," Munch said quietly.

"No kidding," Fin added "Where are Elliot and Olivia?" he asked and then he remembered that they were in a hospital. Fear took over "What happened to them! Are they alright!"

"That's where I come in," said Dr. Taylor, stepping forward.

"Dr. Taylor here," Cragen indicated the man "Is in charge of them for the time being."

"What happened?" Munch asked, growing frantic.

"I just need to start by telling you that they'll be fine," Dr. Taylor informed them all "They got away with only a minor concussion a piece. Detective Stabler also has a gash on the side of his head but it will heal and it appears as though there will be no permanent damage."

The whole room relaxed a little.

"When can we see them?" Cragen asked. He needed to see for himself that they were alright.

"Follow me," Dr. Taylor instructed as he led the three men out of the room and through the hospital.

Olivia blinked her eyes. Harsh light invaded the darkness that she had been floating in and forced her back into the waking world. Her head hurt like hell.

Then she remembered 'Oh God, Elliot' she tried to sit up but found herself a bit woozy. She turned her head on her pillow and finally saw him. He was in a bed on the other side of the room. At first Olivia was afraid because at first glance she could see no signs of life. But once her eyes were aloud to focus, she could see the unmistakable rise and fall of his chest, Olivia aloud her pounding heart to relax as she let her eyes drift closed again.

When Dr. Taylor, Captain Cragen, Munch and Fin entered the room her eyes were still closed. She was unwilling to open them even to let anyone know that she was awake. So the four men assumed that she was still unconscious.

"Why is Elliot the only one with a cut?" Cragen asked the doctor.

"The paramedics said that he was shielding her with his body," Dr. Taylor answered "That protected her from flying glass and such but unfortunately it wasn't enough to protect her from the impact of the crash."

When Olivia heard the doctor's answer she couldn't help feeling more guilty. The words from her dream came back to haunt her 'He took the bullets that were meant for you' of course Elliot hadn't been shot, she knew that from what the doctor and Cragen had said but still, it had been a shooting, bullets, the first of which had come right through the windshield of the car that she had been traveling in.

"Where are the detectives in charge of the investigation into the shooting?" Cragen asked as he moved from standing next to Elliot's bed to stand next to Olivia's.

"Shooting?" Munch asked finding it hard to speak "You didn't say anything about a shooting."

Cragen paused as he stared down at Olivia lying in the hospital bed. When he finally spoke his voice was weak "There was," his answer was even weaker.

"The detectives investigating the shooting are talking to Dr. Martin out by the nurses station," Dr. Taylor answered.

Cragen nodded "Munch, Fin," he began in a tone that was far from authoritative "Go see what you can find out about it."

Munch and Fin nodded and turned to leave.

"Captain," Fin began "You'll let us know if there's any change," he gestured to the two hospital beds.

Cragen nodded and the two men left.

Cragen turned to Dr. Taylor once they had left "Were there any other victims of the shooting?"

Dr. Taylor's face became sorrowful "Three," he answered "Two DOA's and one we lost in surgery."

Olivia's guilt grew to the point of almost consuming her.

"How old were they?" Cragen asked his voice full of compassion.

"All kids," Dr. Taylor answered "Little three year old girl," he began to choke up "her two year old brother and," his resolve completely crumbled "A four month old boy, shot dead right in his baby carriage."

Olivia couldn't hold in her sorrow anymore. Tears flowed from her closed eyes and pooled on her pillow.

It was at this point that the two men realized that she was awake.

TBC

And the angst grows. Please review.


	5. Chapter 5

Pathway to Happiness

Disclaimer: I don't own them

A/N: I thought I had hit a block but its amazing what the best of BNL CD can do for an author. Enjoy.

Dedications: To everyone who has been reading and reviewing. You know who you are. I love you guys.

Munch was the first to spot the two detectives who were standing by the desk at the nurse's station "Excuse me?" Munch said politely as he came up beside them "Can we speak to you for a few minutes?"

The taller of the two men turned to face Munch who promptly flashed his badge. When the man saw the badge his attitude changed from annoyance to understanding "You guys from Manhattan SVU?" he asked.

Munch nodded "I'm detective Munch. This is my partner detective Tutuola."

The tall detective nodded and he and his partner led Munch and Fin off to the side so as not to completely block access to the nurse's station.

"I'm Detective Williams," the tall one said, extending his hand to shake the hand of first Munch then Fin.

"And I'm Detective Sutton," the man with the mustache said as he did the same.

"How are they doing?" Williams asked, referring to Benson and Stabler.

"Still unconscious," Fin answered "They don't look too much worse for ware though."

"That's good," Sutton said in an understanding tone.

"Our Captain asked us to find you and to see what you've found out about the shooting," Munch informed them.

"Well we don't know much yet," Williams said "We were here interviewing the nanny of the two toddlers that got shot and the mother of the baby."

"Did you learn anything?" Fin asked, his voice full of eagerness and curiosity.

Detective Sutton pulled out his note pad and flipped through it "The nanny was walking home from the park with the kids," he began "According to her, the shooting just started. She attempted to pull the children behind a dumpster but not fast enough. The little boy was hit first directly in the chest."

"That's too perfect to be a random shot," Fin muttered.

"That's what we thought too," Sutton said before continuing "The little girl was shot in the head but the bullet only grazed her," Sutton paused then added somberly "If the nanny had pulled her out of the way just a little faster…"

"Hey," said Williams as he too wiped the forming tears from his eyes "This isn't the time for 'what ifs' this is the time for facts."

Sutton nodded "The baby was hit twice in the head-"

"This is too coincidental," Munch spoke up "To hit a baby twice in the head the person would have to be aiming for him."

Sutton nodded again.

"When did the shooting stop?" Fin asked.

Sutton flipped through his notes again "The babies mother said that it stopped right after the car hit the trash cans."

"The one that Elliot and Olivia were in," Fin said to Munch.

"Did you catch the shooter?" Munch asked. Munch really wanted a piece of this guy now. Someone who was purposely murdering children and attempting to murder two of his friends was someone who truly deserved an ass wooping.

"No," Williams answered sounding both ashamed and irritated "We came here first to interview the witnesses."

"Ok, ok," Sutton said in an attempt to calm everyone down "We were just about to walk through the crime scene. How about you come with us?"

Munch and Fin looked at each other and then back at Sutton "Alright," they both answered "Let's go."

On their way out of the hospital Munch called the Captain's cell phone to let him know where they were going.

In Olivia and Elliot's hospital room, Cragen sat between the two beds while Dr. Taylor examined Olivia to make sure that there was no permanent damage.

"Follow the light with your eyes," Dr. Taylor instructed as he slowly moved a pen light from side to side in front of her face.

Olivia did so as tears still sprang forth.

Satisfied that she was alright physically, Dr. Taylor put his pen light away and stood up "It looks like you're going to be fine," he told her.

'Fine!' her mind shouted at her. She had no right to be fine as long as Elliot was still unconscious. She had no right to be fine if it meant that the parents of those children could never hold their babies again. She had no right to be fine at all and yet she was which only served to deepen her guilt and intensify her pain.

"Olivia?" Cragen asked softly "How do you feel?"

"Like crap," she answered honestly.

"I'll get the nurse to bring you some Tylenol," Dr. Taylor said as he turned to leave.

Just then everyone in the room froze at the sound of five words.

"Some for me too Doc?" Elliot groaned as he opened his eyes.

Olivia sighed as a small amount of relief crept through her body.

Dr. Taylor rushed over to Elliot and performed the same examination that he had just finished performing on Olivia.

"Well Captain," Dr. Taylor said after pocketing his pen light once again "You have to very hard headed detectives here."

Cragen and Elliot both laughed heartily but Olivia only managed a pathetic excuse for a laugh.

Dr. Taylor left the room and Cragen began to explain the entire situation to his detectives.

"Now that you can't run off this time," he began "I have to tell you the rest of the story."

"Thank you Paul Harvey," Elliot groaned.

"Not the time Elliot," Olivia mumbled from her side of the room.

Just then Cragen's cell phone rang "Cragen," he answered.

Elliot looked over and caught Olivia's gaze. He saw the extreme pain in her eyes. At that moment he would have given anything to take it away.

Olivia saw the way he looked at her and she couldn't help but feel worse 'I don't deserve your concern' she thought.

"The crime scene?" Cragen asked in surprise.

Elliot and Olivia both immediately turned their attention to Cragen's side of the conversation.

"Munch," Cragen was saying "for all we know the shooter is still out there be careful."

Realization dawned and Olivia shot out of bed. Fighting against her dizziness she stumbled towards the door "Tell him I'm coming with them!" she called behind her.

"Olivia!" Cragen yelled as he sprang from his seat "Hold on Munch," he said to the man on the other end of the phone. He reached her and put a hand on her arm "You can't go out there," he told her matter-of-factly "Its too dangerous-"

"Captain," she cut him off, keeping her voice low so that Elliot couldn't hear her "Three kids died, I need to know what happened."

"You're too close to this," Cragen told her, his voice full of concern.

"You are dam right I am," Olivia said in a dangerous tone as she jerked away from Cragen.

"Liv," Elliot said weakly from his bed.

Olivia stopped just long enough that Cragen could grasp her arm again.

"Listen to me Benson," Cragen said, his tone now demanding respect and obedience "You are not to go anywhere near that crime scene. Now get back in bed and rest."

Olivia could hear Munch on the other end of the phone that Cragen was still holding.

Cragen paused and spoke into his phone again "Just a minute John."

It was only a second but it was long enough for Olivia to get away. Still feeling a little dizzy she ran out of the room and towards the hospital exit.

She knew that she had done it this time. Munch wouldn't allow her to ride to the crime scene with them and if he caught her there he would send her back to the hospital. So she would just have to get there on her own and make sure no one saw her.

As she left the hospital she didn't notice the man standing by the door, watching her. As she dashed for the subway she was unaware of the man who followed her.

She was still a little woozy and was paying attention to only the things in front of her and didn't notice the man behind her who pulled out a cell phone and whispered into it two little words "Green light."

TBC

A/N: Bwahahahaha what will happen next. Review and you'll find out.


	6. Chapter 6

Pathway to Happiness

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own them.

A/N: I think that inspiration has struck again but I will need your feedback.

Olivia found herself feeling dizzier by the second. She slowed her pace but the dizziness didn't subside. She stopped and leaned up against a building. She took slow even breaths but still the world swirled in front of her eyes. She was beginning to feel nauseous when she heard a man's voice in her ear.

"You feelin' ok?" he asked, sounding not at all concerned.

She turned and focused with all her might on the man's face. She gasped "Carl James," she remembered him all to well but he was supposed to be in prison.

"That's right," he responded in a sing song voice as he grabbed her arm and pulled her into an alley.

She tried to fight him off but he was strong and in her present state she wasn't. She managed to scratch his face pretty badly though but that wasn't enough to stop him. She tried to scream but he put his hand over her mouth.

"So," he said to her as he became impatient with her futile struggling "You're gonna be difficult," he picked her up and knocked her head into the side of the closest building.

'I should have stayed in the hospital. I'm sorry Elliot' she thought sadly as once again she was banished to lonely darkness.

"What?" Munch and Fin both screamed at the top of their lungs. They had never made it to the crime scene. When Cragen had informed them of Olivia's determination to leave the hospital they had left Sutton and Williams and rushed to find her. They now stood in Elliot's hospital room shaking angry fists at their Captain.

"How could you just let her leave?" Fin asked.

Cragen through his hands up in defense "Have you ever tried to get between that woman and what she wants? You can't."

"Not if you care enough about her not to use excessive force," everyone in the room turned to Elliot who lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. They all knew he was right, none of them would go to such lengths to detain Olivia but those three men out there would.

Elliot lost himself in thought and worry after that remark. He remembered those three men. Each one had added an assault of an officer charge to their list of crimes while being interrogated by Olivia and Elliot.

Flashback

It had been a hot July day when they brought Eric Strand into the interrogation room the last time. The interrogation room had seemed especially hot and tempers ran high.

"You raped and shot those kids!" Olivia had shouted. She had been especially pissed off that day. Three raped and murdered junior high students would do that to just about anyone though.

Strand stared at Olivia, sizing her up. Elliot watched Strand very carefully, afraid of what his next move might be.

"I didn't touch any one," Strand had answered in a low 'don't mess with me' tone.

"We have your DNA in all three," Olivia responded. It was amazing, Elliot had thought at the time how she had matched Strands tone perfectly.

"That doesn't prove that I shot them," Strand countered.

"No," it was Elliot's turn to speak "but the ballistics evidence says that the bullets came from your gun."

"Plus," Olivia added smugly "with the rape charges you wouldn't be going anywhere for a long time, even if we couldn't prove that you were the shooter," Olivia got up close to Strand and spoke her next words very deliberately "Which, we, can."

That was the last straw for Strand. Elliot didn't even know how it happened so fast but the next thing he knew, Olivia was on the floor and Strand was standing over her.

"You asked for it," Strand said angrily "You get what you deserve just like those little whores I shot."

Elliot quickly cuffed Strand and read him his writes, Munch and Fin came in to take him away to be booked, and Olivia picked herself off the floor.

"We got him," she smiled as she dusted herself off.

"You okay?" Elliot asked her concerned.

"Of course I am," she responded, although Elliot could see that she seemed to be cradling her left side.

"I think we should go to the hospital," he told her.

"Elliot," she said, trying to sound confident and in control although she was wincing "I'm fine," and that's when she threw up.

End Flashback

"Get out there and find her!" Cragen ordered.

Elliot's head swam back to the conversation. His head was killing him but for some reason his heart was killing him more. Sure he cared about Olivia, sure she was his partner and friend, sure he looked out for her and could never imagine anyone hurting her but did he care for her more deeply than he had thought. Could it be possible, after so many years together, after so many late nights, after being privy to each other's inner most thoughts whether they were openly shared or not, after all of that was it possible that he could have fallen in love with Olivia Benson?

Munch and Fin left the room again, hell bent on finding Olivia.

Olivia slowly regained consciousness 'Knocked out twice in one day' she thought with distain 'some cop'. As the world around her came into focus, she remembered just how it was that she had lost consciousness the second time.

'Oh God!' her head screamed. She frantically attempted to take in her surroundings. She was lying on her back in an alley, it was broad day light but she saw no one around.

'Carl James' she remembered 'he's the one who brought me here. Where is he? Where is anyone?'

She attempted to move her hands but they were bound with duct tape as were her feet. She felt cold, she realized that she wasn't wearing a shirt or a braw but she was as she gratefully noticed, still wearing pants.

She attempted to wriggle to the opening of the alley but the dizziness had returned and she couldn't move with out her head screaming at her to stop.

It was at that moment that Fin followed by Munch entered the alley. Neither man was looking forward to the prospect of finding Olivia in one of these places. Neither man wanted to think about the things that one of these sick criminals could do to her if they caught her. Still the horrific thoughts managed to creep into the foreground of there minds.

Fin was the first to spot her. In spite of all the things he had seen over the years this particular site made him want to weep.

"Over here!" he called to Munch as he ran towards Olivia.

The first thing that Fin did was to remove his coat and throw it over her exposed upper half.

"Fin," she moaned as she managed to focus on his face.

"Its ok," he reassured her as he cut her loose from the duct tape "You scared us girl."

"You feel ok?" Munch asked her as he knelt by her head.

"Dizzy," she mumbled as her eyes began to close.

"Listen to me Liv," Fin said with a hint of panic in his voice "You gotta stay with us. Here me? Don't close your eyes. Okay?"

Olivia nodded.

Munch suddenly pulled away from his place by Olivia's head and picked up a piece of paper that lay just beside her right shoulder "Look at this," he said to Fin.

"What is it?" Fin asked, not taking his eyes off Olivia for a second.

"Looks like a note," Munch said as he began reading "Dear Detectives Stabler and Benson, This is not the last time you will here from us. Next time we'll really have some fun. Sincerely, CJ, JP and Strand."

Munch stuck the note in his pocket as he stood up. Fin was already standing, holding Olivia in his arms.

As they walked back to the hospital Olivia moaned into Fin's shoulder "Its me."

TBC

A/N: This will be EO but Elliot was in a hospital bed with a concussion so he wasn't gonna be the one who found her. Plus I wanted to show how much the unit is like a family and how they all care about each other. Please review, I am in dire need of feedback.


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